Redemption

       I choose to believe that God is at work to redeem the hard, the ugly, the messy. Both that which is inflicted on us, and that which we bought on ourselves. If your like me, you've experienced some of both. 

In those awful junior high years, I was mocked for my inability to hold back tears when I was hurting physically or emotionally. It granted me the nickname of red-light. My attempts to furiously blink to hold back said tears led to taunting remarks about the blinking red-lights which were new technology at the time. Kids can be so cruel. 

I didn’t respond well to the things that hurt me over the years. I became reactionary, rebellious towards a God who let me feel the hurt of rejection, the pain of being the outcast. Where was He when I was hurting? I found that music was like an anesthetic to the anger and hurt I felt. The worst kinds of music of course.

        Years later, while at bible school in Thailand, God began to redeem the two things in my life that had hurt me: my inability to hold back tears, and music.

        In Thailand, I found worship. Pouring out our hearts to God via song, the tears would run down my cheeks unchecked. Not sad tears, not happy tears. They were a spontaneous result of my heart when connecting with the God who loved me. I guess you could call them God tears? That was a defining time in my life. I treasure the memories of worshiping with that group of people. It was unforgettable.  

        The last months have been intense. They've been hard, and beautiful. They've been overwhelmingly full of answered prayer, and they've held a lot of those God tears. Two of the defining themes of this season are probably music and tears. Today while I played Audrey Assad and wrote in my journal, the tears were in full force. And suddenly it dawned on me: 

        Tears and music. Two of the things that defined what was messy, ugly, sinful, and hard in my life. Redeemed.

        In the face of a world that is broken, ugly, hurtful, and devastating, my God redeems. There is still much in my life that needs redemption. I trust Him to do it. Well, sometimes I forget to trust Him but that’s a different story.  

        I look at my foster daughter and I can feel so afraid. The past has been so hard, so ugly, so excruciatingly painful to her. The future doesn’t look any easier. But for God, it would feel hopeless. But for God, this battle wouldn’t be worth fighting. But for God, the darkness outweighs the light.

But for God.

The same God who redeemed my hatred for my own tears, and my love for all the wrong music is at work in your life. To redeem it. He doesn’t just take away the bad, ugly, hurtful things, he uses them to create something beautiful. He's the God who Redeems.